Parents whose kids become confident, successful adults avoid this 2-word phrase, says Ivy League-trained psychologist

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The recent episode of "The Tim Ferriss Show" suggested asking follow-up questions to your child to demonstrate the sincerity of your praise and to emphasize the positive behavior you want them to develop further.

She said that by preventing them from relying on external validation, it can help them become more successful later in life, according to Kennedy, who holds a PhD in clinical psychology from Columbia University and hosts the "Good Inside" parenting podcast.

In those moments, we as parents want to focus even more on building our child's confidence. That's typically the goal we're working to achieve,

To put it clearly, the phrase "good job" itself isn't bad, Kennedy said. But if your school-aged child brings home a research paper they're proud of, asking specific questions and showing genuine interest is more likely to boost their confidence, whether you say those two words or not, she pointed out.

A mother of three, Kennedy said that the advice "sounds annoying at first ... [But] anything that helps your kid open up more about themselves actually ends up being better for your kid."

How specific praise can boost a child's confidence and lead to greater success.

According to developmental psychologist and author Aliza Pressman, who wrote for Make It last year, this will make them believe in their own abilities and be more likely to challenge themselves in pursuit of their goals.

Like Kennedy, Pressman thinks that parents shouldn't completely stop using the phrase "good job," but they should always pair it with specific praise.

"When we say 'Good job!' it has to be genuine and specific. Tell kids when you notice their genuine effort, persistent hard work, creative thinking, self-motivation, and skillfulness," Pressman wrote.

She considers self-validation, the ability to acknowledge one's own accomplishments without relying on others' approval, to be a crucial skill that children must learn in order to ultimately achieve success in adulthood.

Children who grow up relying on external validation can be "very empty, very fragile, and very anxious," Kennedy said. "What's really beneficial in the long run is when you create something – it could be a piece of art, or a project – and are able to give yourself an honest appraisal of it before others do, which is very helpful for your self-image and protective against anxiety and depression."

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