A love beyond romance: How Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feniger built a culinary empire together

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It is often seen as a celebration of romantic love, but shouldn't its spirit extend beyond that? Love comes in many forms - platonic friendships, familial ties, and even professional partnerships. In the culinary world, few partnerships exemplify this as well as chefs Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feniger, who have worked side by side since the mid-1980s, running the iconic Border Grill and building a culinary empire together.

The partnership is a model for advocating for social justice and equality in the restaurant industry. It has become a prime example of how two individuals can support and elevate each other's work through mentorship and empowerment.

Their connection goes beyond their business relationship. In a surprising development that actually reinforces their partnership, Feniger was once married to Josh Schweitzer, who is now married to Milliken. However, their long-lasting friendship and shared goals continue to be the foundation of their collaboration.

Feniger's culinary journey started in Toledo, Ohio, where she developed a passion for the camaraderie and fast-paced environment of restaurant work. She managed to persuade her economics professor to allow her to complete her final year at the Culinary Institute of America, balancing long classes with demanding shifts. Her career took her from fish markets to Kansas City to Chicago, where she met Milliken, before eventually moving to Los Angeles to work with Wolfgang Puck. A period of time spent in southern France further honed her culinary skills.

Milliken, on the other hand, fell in love with cooking as a teenager and discovered at 16 that it could be a career for her. She finished high school early, went on to culinary school in Chicago, and soon met Feniger. "It was the first time I worked with someone as passionate as I was - maybe even more so," she recalled. "I remember one day she told me that she wasn't reading novels, only cookbooks!"

They both agree that persistence has been crucial to their success. "We're in this for the long haul," Milliken said. When they started Border Grill in 1985, they wanted it to endure. Their early experience with Mexican food completely changed their culinary perspective. "The spices, the flavor profiles, the down-to-earth qualities of the people we worked with, the amazing use of fresh produce—learning about ingredients we'd never seen before, like epazote, hoja santa, achiote, and all the different types of chiles—was a complete revelation," Feniger said.

When asked about the secret to their long-lasting partnership, Feniger replied with a touch of humor and insight. "Therapy!" she said. "I believe that the fact we both had many years of therapy was essential. It helped us accept change and understand the value of this incredible partnership. We trust each other completely, and that's a huge advantage in business."

Milliken agreed, emphasizing mutual respect. "I'd be dishonest if I didn't mention how hard we work at it. We have complementary skill sets that make the partnership strong, and if there's one thing you can always count on, it's that things will change."

Both chefs consider winning the Julia Child Award to be one of their greatest accomplishments. "Being part of the Smithsonian's permanent collection, with our history displayed alongside Julia Child's kitchen, still amazes me," Feniger said. "I mean, right next to Dorothy's shoes from 'The Wizard of Oz' and the Batmobile!" Milliken called the award "the biggest thrill ever," describing Child as "an incredible inspiration, friend, and mentor."

Their latest venture, Alice B., holds a lot of importance. The restaurant is named after Alice B. Toklas, who was a partner of Gertrude Stein, and it's part of Living Out, a high-end apartment complex for LGBTQIA+ adults. "A restaurant owned by two women, one of whom is a lesbian, and both of whom are social activists, seemed like the perfect fit," said Feniger. "When we met chef Lance Velasquez, we knew he was the one who could bring our vision to life. His passion for Mediterranean food, his commitment to using high-quality ingredients, and the way he mentors his team align with everything we believe in."

We're huge supporters of the LGBTQIA+ community, and getting to cook at this incredible new complex was a chance we just couldn't pass up. Alice B. was the perfect choice for the name—she and Stein were pioneers, and she was adored for her cooking.

, The Bite.

When asked why they cook, Milliken replied, "To make people happy, including myself." Feniger added, "I love everything about it. It feels like home. Cooking is my life, my way of sharing experiences with friends. I love the ritual of eating, the joy of giving people something special, and the way food brings people together."

For years, they've made sustainability a fundamental part of their kitchen operations. "All of our fish is sustainably sourced according to the Monterey Bay Aquarium’s Seafood Watch program," Feniger said. "Our proteins are hormone- and antibiotic-free, and we've been at the forefront of using recycled to-go containers." Milliken mentioned that creating menus with a focus on plant-based dishes has been a key goal. "If we all eat less meat and more vegetables, it will have the biggest impact on reducing the effects of climate change."

Their commitment goes beyond their restaurants. Feniger has been on the board of the LA LGBT Center for more than 17 years and is now co-chair. "It's the largest LGBT center in the world, with over 800 employees doing critical work, especially in today's political climate. I'm incredibly proud to be a part of it."

She is also deeply involved with the Scleroderma Research Foundation, having lost her best friend to the disease. Furthermore, she and Milliken have been long-time supporters of No Kid Hungry and their event Cool Comedy Hot Cuisine, which they co-hosted for many years alongside Bob Saget.

Good partnerships allow for change, growth, and evolution," Milliken said. "If you're stuck in the past, it usually leads to the downfall of a partnership.

Milliken and Feniger, after nearly four decades of working together, continue to show that love, whether it's in a friendship, business partnership, or even in the kitchen, can make a lasting difference.