Emotionally Intelligent People Use 3 Simple Phrases to Stop Passive-Aggressive Behavior, Get Respect, and Strengthen Their Relationships

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Effective leaders master the ability to utilize positive self-talk to modify their actions and establish trust with others.

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Most of us have an internal dialogue, that internal voice in our heads that processes our thoughts about what's happening around us. For many years, researchers have discovered the advantages of using positive self-talk, which includes optimistic and encouraging phrases to help you reframe the way you perceive a situation.

They found that self-talk interventions were effective in helping athletes improve their performance and in helping others stay focused and concentrated. Successful business leaders are also skilled in this area.

What are some ways to begin using positive self-talk in order to influence your inner dialogue?

I've shared many strategies over the years, but here are three of my favorites. They're focused on strengthening relationships by teaching you how to:

• Stop using passive-aggressive behavior
• Be respectful with others
• Manage your perfectionism

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10. Your mismatch your interests with arguments.

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You might be the same kind of person - or you know someone who struggles with this habit, the type of person who does one or more of the following:

• Affirming they're fine when they're not feeling that way
• Pouting
• Giving the silent treatment
• This undesirable behavior is often referred to as "not keeping one's word" or "backing out" on an agreement.
• Responding with sarcasm

To help me manage these habits, I use positive self-talk. Specifically, I remind myself of a brilliant six-word phrase I learned in a presentation I heard a few years ago:

Focus your disagreement on the issue at hand, and avoid making personal attacks on the other person.

When I resort to sneaky indirectness, I'm usually trying to deal with feeling let down or upset. But this phrase keeps me in check, reminding me that this behavior might actually be damaging my relationship with this other person.

I need to change my approach and have a more direct conversation with that person about what's concerning me.

How do you prevent people from feeling defensive when pointing out a difference in opinion with them? That's where the next phrase comes in.

How to be respectful

If you find it tough to confront others like many people do, it's often difficult to express your true feelings, especially when you're hurt, let down, or feeling really frustrated. In these situations, it's particularly key to remember that showing respect to others often leads to them showing respect back.

What's your process? Use your inner dialogue to recall another simple phrase:

It's not just the words themselves, but the way you communicate them that matters.

Research supports this. For example, over 50 years ago, psychologist Albert Mehrabian found that the tone of our voice and our body language, like facial expressions, convey more about how we feel than the actual words we use.

Before I get into a tough conversation, I remind myself to express my thoughts and feelings in a calm and constructive way. This means choosing the right time and setting for the conversation, so we can both feel relaxed and be in a good state of mind.

For the most part, the way I express myself is likely to be mirrored back at me.

5. Unrealistic Expectations: Perfectionists tend to have unrealistic expectations about themselves and others.

Over the years, I've also identified another personal trait I struggle with: a perfectionist mindset.

If you're like me, a tendency to control every detail has the potential to harm not only your work but also your relationships with others, as it can give the impression that you lack faith in them or believe they're incapable.

To help you fight against this feeling, try to remind yourself that your team's work is never 100% completed. Instead, view it as

Work in progress.

It's essential to recognize this because, even when a project is excellent at one point in time, if you revisit it shortly after, such as a year, a month, or even a week, you're likely to find aspects you'd like to improve or change.

Self-talk at work

Change is a constant and never-ending process, and it is always available.

This makes you more enjoyable to work with, and also satisfies your drive to consistently grow and improve.

Hey, if you want to cut back on your passive-aggressive behavior, get more respect, and not be a perfectionist all the time, try remembering these three phrases:

1. Deal with the problem head-on.

2. It's not what you say, it's the way you say it.

3. Work in progress.

Doing it right will enable you to tap into the power of self-talk, which will help build stronger relationships in both your professional life and personal life.

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